Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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