P.S. I can't hear my feet
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
