Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
