I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
