We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize