She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
