i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
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