I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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