I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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