I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
