Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
