I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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