the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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