if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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