fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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