her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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