I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
