She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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