nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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