She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
