maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
