just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
