11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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