The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
