The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
