If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
