i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think my tv is drunk
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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