My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
