Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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