Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Sober January is a disaster.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
