I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
