She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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