I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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