you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
