dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
