I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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