i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Dignity is for republicans.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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