I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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