i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
