Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
