ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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