Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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