Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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