Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
