I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
