i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
