I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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