I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
