Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
