I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
