there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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