Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
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