dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
