my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
