i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
