Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
