they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
where am i from again
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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