Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
