My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
