what day is it and did you see me today?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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