I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...so i touched it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
