i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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