i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
