I just cut my nipple shaving
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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