The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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