filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
