Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
