you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
