She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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