What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
